Babylon Bee has a winner…

Posted by Kane on September 20, 2022 4:54 am

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California Couple Adjusts To New Life In Texas

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tom Gaden
Tom Gaden

Don’t California my Texas !!

midgie
midgie

I lived in Colorado for 45 years with the dogs barking, the helicopters flying my neighborhood every night, sirens blaring, motorcycles roaring down my street at 1 am. Now, after being kicked out of my job because of new PC rules, I live in Kansas where it is still 1950 in some towns. Where people wave as they pass each other, traffic is a tractor, and neighbors can stop their cars in the middle of the road and have a conversation because there is no traffic, airplanes, barking dogs, or radios blaring and people actually talk to each other, go to church, get together for pot luck dinners, and treat strangers like new neighbors and friends.

Royal
Royal

I loved it! Wife and I moved to WV from Vegas a few yrs ago. It’s so quiet here I can hear my ears hissing. We used to live around 95 and Summerlin pkwy for Vegas folks, we heard sirens all day, all night. Here, we hear sirens, seriously, 1 a year. Quiet.

BadPenny
BadPenny

BB has great videos, this one is a rock star.

Kay sea
Kay sea

Got rid of another one…
Keep Texas free

Bun E. Carlos
Bun E. Carlos

“I’M RECORDING YOU!”

Leanna
Leanna

That’s actually the best line START PASSING IT AROUND AND PUSING IT. SPREAD THE WORD.

Kitty Lenoir
Kitty Lenoir

Democrats wanted to build apartments and low income housing in suburban areas and change the zoning for that reason. The ultimate goal was to spread blue everywhere, because the blue vote was ‘wasted’ in big cities, completely saturated with blue vote. The virus managed to spread blue all over the country, like a poison.

Paul
Paul

Obama had a policy to specifically target “white-concentrated areas” with immigration. They took a map of the country, identified the ‘whitest’ areas, and dumped tens of thousands of immigrants in those districts. Just pause on that for a while…

That’s been Obama’s goal for decades
That’s been Obama’s goal for decades

That’s been Obama’s goal for decades

DMcb
DMcb

🔍👀 Sad but actually 100% true! I work in real estate and I moved two down and less then two years later they are going back the first week of November! 😳

Stephanie witt
Stephanie witt

They just bring their garbage ideology with them, they need to stay in the mess they created, instead of bringing it to my back door.

Knuckledragger
Knuckledragger

Yup,
All California LIBTARDS !

John Chavez
John Chavez

They’ll be going back to LA. It’s in their blood.

RogerBacon
RogerBacon

But if they register to vote in Texas they’ll keep voting by mail-in ballot. New Yorkers do that all the time in Florida.

Curtis
Curtis

I have a mix across the street. At least one from CA, another from GA. The house worth maybe $100k bought for $160k. One of them lets their dog out to crap in my yard (against the law here in the city). I’ve been shoveling the crap for over a year. I’ve been close to catching them in the act to report to police. Last Christmas, they put an inflatable Grinch in their front yard as their only decoration to let those of us beneath them know how they feel about us.

Mayflowermom
Mayflowermom

Shovel it onto their lawn

johniebeegood
johniebeegood

Get a dog ultrasonic sound piercer they’re used for training put it on high by a megaphone on eBay along with the dog trainer and for about 80 bucks when that much comes over you can turn it on high and he’ll run like somebody was shooting at them some work on cats also he won’t crap in your yard anymore but your neighbors the other way over might not be happy because he’ll use someone else’s yard. Cats are always hungry for dogs you can always trap them humanely and take them to another city or no kill shelter. Far enough away that the owner won’t go that far to retrieve them even with a near chip it never a bad dog but it’s always a bad owner this also works on neighbors barking dogs they’ll go screaming hiding their head trying to get away from the sound with their tail in between their leg. It’s passive aggressive I know but you got to do what you got to do when you have discourteous neighbors.

MadDog🐶
MadDog🐶

California citizens need to stay in California

MJ
MJ

New Yorkers too

Lakeman
Lakeman

That’s partially true. But if you isolated the Democrats from New York City, the rest of New York State would be all Red. Just a voice from the Adirondacks….

ckbro
ckbro

Looked a lot like AZ too

Mayflowermom
Mayflowermom

Build a wall around Cali

William Kilgore
William Kilgore

Simple solution. Tell Israel they can bring every yard of soil and all religious sites intact to CA, WA and OR. They can have that three states. Give them 10 years to settle. They will get it done in 5 years. They will seal the borders, rid the streets of vermin and fix the water problem. Problem solved. Israel knows how to deal with problems. We could all learn from its’ perseverance and drive.

johniebeegood
johniebeegood

Won’t have to do any of that soon the environmentalist won’t let him build a desalinization plant and there’s no more water going to California they’re out of water they’re stealing what they can from Arizona and it’s going to stop in the dummies moving to Arizona are going to have the same problem no water.

Flash Gordon
Flash Gordon

This one is a gem

deceivocrat
deceivocrat

If it were only that easy.

JIM
JIM

She is fantastic. BTW I have chosen the pronoun, Laird, That way everyone must refer to me as a Scottish lord.

Super Duper MAGA Butcher
Super Duper MAGA Butcher

Funny stuff. They checked all the boxes in that one.

Sierra
Sierra

Very well done.

Doktor von Helsing
Doktor von Helsing

Must be Austin, ’cause a real Texan would have also mentioned:

“Y’all best be careful ’round these parts, most folks’ guard dogs don’t cotton to none of that mis-say-ge-nay-shun.
Pack o’ big bad mean ol’ Dogs liable to rip him some new pronouns, know what i mean?
This ain’t some Hollywood actors’ equity casting call ’round here,
no ma’am- it don’t swing that way out on the range”

Marionmmm
Marionmmm

I read it using my best Florida twang… perfect!!!

Liberty4Ever
Liberty4Ever

The Texas neighbor isn’t going to be so friendly when the couple and several thousand other California locusts vote to make Texas the same as California.

Mike the Tyke
Mike the Tyke

Very good comment and a very overlooked point.

mlp
mlp

That is the First thing that comes to my mind because I live in North Carolina and look what they did our state! Silently blew in Raleigh, Asheville and Charlotte but nowhere else in the state! I sold a home in 2021 in downtown Raleigh. The major majority of folks downtown are absolutely retarded low info communists! We ended up hating Raleigh so much that we watched our residency to Florida and will help to keep Florida solidly RED with MAGA representatives! And I mean representatives, not elites Which all these s****y politicians should be!

mlp
mlp

Solidly Blue not silently blew

johniebeegood
johniebeegood

They better hurry because right now and in the near future next couple years the southern border is wide open and they’re flooding Texas like never before once they get here the Democrats turn them into voters to take over control so it’ll be easier for California to move there but it’ll already be too populated with illegal immigrants excuse me I meant on documented pun intended.

Hope N Grace
Hope N Grace

Thats money right there.

Hokuho_Sho (retired)
Hokuho_Sho (retired)

He should have really messed them up and lit up a cigarette….

Knuckledragger
Knuckledragger

Yup,
Marberry Drives of Libtards.

Cocojo
Cocojo

😆😂🤣

Michele1L
Michele1L

Babylon Bee with another winner!

KAG
KAG

If someone were to ask me what my “pronouns” are, I’ll be sure to tell them my pronoun is “Sir!”.

Cocojo
Cocojo

👍🏻

Dan
Dan

Infection

Seethree
Seethree

I “didn’t get it” at first. I thought it was another James O’Keefe undercover sting video. I live in Los Angeles where people drive alone with masks in cars with “Co-Exist” bumper stickers.

The Left has killed the California I grew up in. Sad.

John-on-Patmos
John-on-Patmos

No.

Marionmmm
Marionmmm

Imagine Whirled Peas….

Conservative black man
Conservative black man

Sounds just like Gainesville, FL… the “blue” part of Florida.

johniebeegood
johniebeegood

Remember at the end of the Vietnam war, garden Grove turned into garbage Grove all the Vietnamese took over the whole city, didn’t take them long to shoplift all the stores out of existence and then the government wouldn’t allow prosecution in our socialist government gave them free everything like our new Southern border runners. Don’t forget the unions help run it into the ground. They weren’t necessary evil at a time but about lived there usefulness just like our federal government agencies create a new agencies to terrorize and prosecute still funding money property you name it from the people especially conservatives. Just remember it anything and everything you say Cannon will be used against you starting with social media.

Russel
Russel

The BabBee is getting its headlines so on target it’s scary.

Nunaya Beezwhacks
Nunaya Beezwhacks

They’ll be getting raided by the Eff Bee Eye shortly. Dee Ohh Jay can’t stand mockery.

Angel
Angel

It’s funny but cringy at the same time. It’s almost uncomfortable to watch, because it’s true.

Stilgar Freman
Stilgar Freman

Babylon Bee hits the target again not Humour but educational

Knite
Knite

There are plenty of good Californians, or New Yorkers, or Oregonians……..they are trapped behind enemy lines and outnumbered in the polls. Now, if they pick Austin as the perfect place to land, they may be enemy infiltrators.

Drive through upstate New York. Deer stands, Skoal, 4 wheel drive pickup, classic, on 40’s, local dirt track on Friday night, Two parent XX/XY households. That said, we don’t really need them and had rather they stay and fight to save their State. Of course, they have been told by their governor (NY) to leave. “We don’t want your kind around here”. They are welcome in the remnants of the Land of the Free.

Angel
Angel

Add Colorado to that.

Lightbringer
Lightbringer

Poor Colorado, the Promised Land of Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged”, now a leftoid redoubt. How sad.

John-on-Patmos
John-on-Patmos

Whenever I get down in the mouth about the younger generation, I look at my offspring – solid conservative and their friends too.
It is why I know the only way the democrats win is because they lie, cheat and steal like a good Nimrodian is suppose to.

eric
eric

here is a true fact that i like to tell people from California… the Salt Lake county developers got it right,, california ave (1300 s) heads west and stop at the dump!!!!!

SchumerTookAwayMyPainMed
SchumerTookAwayMyPainMed

Hilarious! Same thing happening within California, the west coast dems flooding into the easten red hills.

SOtT
SOtT

SNL wishes they were this funny these days!

Left Coast
Left Coast

Texas to a ruined Californication native is a whole ‘nother country.
Why aren’t they moving to Oregon and Washington like the past 30 years?
Because those are lunatic run hellhole just as bad as the Golden (no more) State.

Hooterville Deplorable
Hooterville Deplorable

Well played, Babylon Bee. And spot on as usual.

Jester
Jester

Funny. I live in the foothills of Appalachia. Wouldn’t move if someone paid me. Is the pronoun thing for real? Do people actually do that? Anyone ever did that here they’d be looked at as being “special”. God bless ’em.

Lightbringer
Lightbringer

I love our region. Won’t ever leave it! Three generations of my ancestors are buried here, and my children were born here. But those children left and their children were born elsewhere, in places where they could find jobs. We seem to hemorrhage our young people.

VDMA
VDMA

I work at UC Davis, which is a liberal enclave within California. Fortunately my job does not require I interact with too many people from the university, but I will note that preferred pronouns are included under the signatures of some emails sent from university collogues. Thus far, I have not had any verbal conversations with anyone that include pronoun preferences, but like I said, I do not generally interact with large segments of the UC population.

John Johnson (85)
John Johnson (85)

VDMA: Davis used to be a special place. I worked at UCD; loved walking and cycling around the arboretum. The farmer’s market was the best and annual on campus hippie fest was tolerable-at least back in the late 80s/90s. The school and city were always on the avant-garde of societal evolution, and just a little in your face about it. Now UCD and the rest of CA, except for the reddest counties – is a train wreck of wokeness and militant about it.
Stay strong.

Robert
Robert

This isnt as sarcastic & unreal as some may think. They really actually think that way. Here in Tennessee..we get Yankees moving here from up north, or from either leftist coast..and they bitch & whine and complain about the smell of cowshit, gunfire, brushpiles burning, loud trucks, deer strapped across hoods, dirt roads and other aspects of everyday country life. They want to turn US..into the Hell they just left. We set ’em straight every chance we get. And HELL NO they dont get “welcomed here” either. Go live in the shithole YOU created.

Jeff Id
Jeff Id

Yankees are the republicans.

KAG
KAG

You don’t know jack jeff. The southeast is solid RED territory. We kicked the commie Dims to the curb long ago.

Maris
Maris

I promise that we’re not all like that. I’m a former Yankee from OH now just below the M-D line in NJ. I’d be a happy camper to be where you are and I’d likely fit right in. Keg party, my treat. Oh, and could have take a deer skin off your hands?

johniebeegood
johniebeegood

One positive thing about being forced into all electric vehicles electric semis electric tractors and so on it is not enough electricity for anyone to go anywhere barely enough if you’re stuck somewhere in a hell hole so they won’t be moving very far anytime soon and all I have to do is cut the electric and they have no means of surviving that they’re all electrified and brainless don’t know how to make candles build a campfire 🔥 let alone use an act so you can stay warm this satellite communication won’t work and there’s not enough sunlight to work their solar so much for global warming not to mention the lack of water the starting to plague States. People personalities can be educated guided and directed as we see everything left leaning left misleading the biggest problem is government they mislead everyone everywhere.

romanmoment
romanmoment

The Bee is the best comedy around bar none.

Not a conspiracy theorist but a “What If?” person
Not a conspiracy theorist but a “What If?” person

Lived in California for 4 years. Couldn’t wait to get back to the Midwest!

Maris
Maris

My brother didn’t last 6 months there.